Signs reportedly seen around town:
At the optometrist’s office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
In the waiting room of the veterinary clinic:
“Be back in five minutes. Sit! Stay!”
On the butcher’s window:
“Let me meat your needs.”
In a cafeteria:
“Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.”
On the wall in the bowling alley:
“Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.”
On the door to the hospital’s maternity ward:
“Push, Push, Push.”
On the taxidermist’s window:
“We really know our stuff.”
On an electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
On the front door of a house:
“Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.”
And similarly, on a fence:
“Salesmen welcome! (Dog food is expensive.)”
At a car dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a payment.”
At the electric company:
“We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”
Outside the radiator repair shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”
On a desk in a reception room:
“We shoot every third salesman, and the second one just left.
Just thought you’d like to know.”
On the side of a garbage truck:
“We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.”
On a dry cleaner’s front window:
“We hope you’ll drop your pants here.”
In a restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry! Come in and get fed up.”
In a nonsmoking area:
“If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
In the front yard of a funeral home:
“Please drive carefully – we’ll be happy to wait for you.”