Things I've Learned From My Children (Honest and No Kidding):

 

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

 

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.

 

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

 

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound

boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.

 

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

 

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

 

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late.

 

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

 

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

 

10.Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

 

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

 

12. Super glue is forever.

 

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

 

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

 

15. VCR's do not eject Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 

 

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

 

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

 

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

 

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

 

20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time. (Be it a plastic toy in the oven, or an iron in the dirty clothing basket turned on to high)

Try this quiz:

 

1. Name the ten wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last ten Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last ten winners of the Miss America contest.

4. Name eight people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.

5. How about the last ten Academy Award winners for best picture.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

 

How did you do?

 

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their

fields, but the applause dies and awards tarnish. Achievements soon

are forgotten and accolades and certificates are buried with their

owners.

 

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

 

1. Think of three people you enjoy spending time with.

2. Name ten people who have taught you something worthwhile.

3. Name five friends who have helped you in a difficult time.

4. List a few teachers who have aided your journey through school.

5. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

 

Easier?

 

The lesson?

 

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with

the credentials, but the ones that care.

I've learned that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned that when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

I've learned that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned that being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned that you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned that I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand

I've learned that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end,the faster it goes.

I've learned that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned that money doesn't buy class.

I've learned that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned that love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned that there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned that life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned that opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned that I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.

I've learned that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.