1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America.....are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.
I asked God to take away my pain.
God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for
you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No. Her spirit is whole and her body is only
I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations; it isn't
granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give
you blessings. Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and
brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No. I will give you life so that you may
enjoy all things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves
me. God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
If you love God, send this to ten people and back to
the person that sent it.
Many parents are hard put to explain to their youth why some music, movies, books, games, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home to see or hear. One parent came up with an original idea that was hard to refute.
He listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular PG-13 movie: it had their favorite actors, everyone else was seeing it, even church members said it was great, it was only rated PG-13 because of the suggestion of sex-they never really showed it, the language was pretty good-they only used the Lord's name in vain three times in the whole movie, the video effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. Yes, there was the scene where a building and a bunch of people got blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff, it wasn't very bad. Even with all these explanations for the rating, the father wouldn't give in. He didn't even give them a satisfying explanation for saying, "No." He just said "No."
Later that evening, this same father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had prepared. He explained that he had taken the family's favorite recipe and added something new. They asked what it was. He calmly replied that he had added dog poop. He stated that it was only a tiny bit and that all the other ingredients were gourmet quality. He had taken great care to bake it at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb.
Even with all the explanations of the perfect attributes of the brownies, the teens would not take one. The father acted surprised. There was only one little element that would have caused them to act so stubbornly. He assured them that they would hardly notice it at all. But they all held
firm and would not try the brownies.
He then explained that the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Satan tries to enter our minds and our homes by deceiving us into believing that just a little bit of evil doesn't matter. With the brownies, just a little bit makes all the difference between a great brownie and a
totally unacceptable product. He explained that even though the smallest amout of dog poop makes the brownie totally unacceptible, they seemed to having no problem consuming a movie movie of similar ingredients. The movie people would have us believe the movies which are coming out are acceptable for adults and youths to see, they are no more so than dog poop brownies are edible!
Now when this father's children want to do something or see something they should not, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special dog poop brownies and they never ask about that item again.
The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first
ministry, to reopen a church in urban Brooklyn, arrived in early October
excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was
very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything
done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.
They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc. and
on Dec. 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On Dec 19 a
terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two
days. On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church.
His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large
area of plaster about 6 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the
sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high. The pastor
cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but
postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed
that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so
he stopped in.
One of the items was a beautiful, hand-made, ivory colored,
crocheted table cloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a
cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right
size to cover up the hole in the front wall. He bought it and
headed back to the church. By this time it had started to snow.
An older woman running from the opposite
direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor
invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes
later. She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got
ladder, hangers etc. to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry.
The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered
up the entire problem area.
Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was
like a sheet. Pastor, she asked, Where did you get that tablecloth?
The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right
corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there. They
were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this
tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria. The woman could hardly believe
it as the pastor told how he had just gotten the tablecloth. The woman
explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people
in Austria. When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband
was going to follow her the next week. She was captured, sent to prison
and never saw her husband or her home again.
The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor
keep it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home, that
was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island
and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.
What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was
almost full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the
service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many
said that they would return.
One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood,
continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered
why he wasn't leaving. The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on
the front wall because it was identical to the one that his wife had
made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could
there be two tablecloths so much alike?
He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee
for her safety, and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested
and put in a concentration camp. He never saw his wife or his home again
for all the 35 years in between.
The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little
ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the
pastor had taken the woman three days earlier. He helped the man climb
the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on the
door, and saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.
True Story-submitted by Pastor Rob Reid
A woman came out of her house and saw three old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked. "No", she said. "He's out." "Then we cannot come in", they replied. In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am home and invite them in!" The woman went out and invited the men in. "We do not go into a house together," they replied. "Why is that?" she wanted to know. One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!" His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!" said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the three old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest. Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other two also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?" The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there
is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!"