One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.
This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."
l. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are you Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I
know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Son, Your eyes look red,
have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,
"Officer, your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating donuts
that the best classroom in the world
is at the feet of an elderly person.
that when you're in love, it shows.
that just one person saying to me,
"You've made my day!" makes my day.
that having a child fall asleep in your
arms is one of the most peaceful
feelings in the world.
that being kind is more important than
that you should never say no to a
gift from a child.
that I can always pray for someone when
I don't have the strength to help him
in some other way.
that no matter how serious your life
requires you to be, everyone needs a
friend to act goofy with.
that sometimes all a person needs is a
hand to hold and a heart to understand.
that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the
faster it goes.
that we should be glad God doesn't
give us everything we ask for.
that money doesn't buy class.
that it's those small daily happenings
that make life so spectacular.
that under everyone's hard shell is
someone who wants to be appreciated
that the Lord didn't do it all in one
day. What makes me think I can?
that to ignore the facts does not
change the facts.
that when you plan to get even with
someone, you are only letting that
person continue to hurt you.
that love, not time, heals all wounds.
that the easiest way for me to grow as
a person is to surround myself with
people smarter than I am.
that everyone you meet deserves to
be greeted with a smile.
that no one is perfect until you fall.
that life is tough, but I'm tougher.
that opportunities are never lost;
someone will take the ones you miss.
that when you harbor bitterness,
happiness will dock elsewhere.
that one should keep his words both
soft and tender, because tomorrow
he may have to eat them.
that a smile is an inexpensive way to
improve your looks.
that I can't choose how I feel, but I
can choose what I do about it.
that when your newly born grandchild
holds your little finger in his little
fist, that you're hooked for life.
that everyone wants to live on top of
the mountain, but all the happiness
and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I have also learned....
that I have a wealth of good friends...and my life would be
a terrible place to live without them.....
1. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people
before meeting the right one so that when we finally
meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful
for that gift.
2. Love is when you take away the feeling, the
passion, and the romance in a relationship and find
out that you still care for that person.
3. When the door of happiness closes, another opens
but often times we look so long at the closed door
that we don't see the one which has been opened for
4. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit
on a porch and swing, with never say a word, and then
walk away feeling like it was the best conversation
you've ever had.
5. It's true that we don't know what we've got until
we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what
we've been missing until it arrives.
6. There are things you'd love to hear that you would
never hear from the person who you would like to hear
from, but don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the
one who says it from their heart.
7. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go
for wealth, in the end it fades away. Go for someone
who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
8. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want
to go, be what you want to be, because you have only
one life and one chance to do all the things you want
9. A careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word
may wreck a life, a timely word may level stress, a
loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have
the best of everything, they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.
11. Happiness is here for those who cry, those who
hurt, those who have searched and those who have
tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of
people who have touched their lives.
12. The brightest future will always be based on a
forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
Somehow, I think we can all relate to this one...
Differences Between You And Your Boss:
If you take a long time, you're slow.
BUT if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
If you don't do it, you're lazy.
BUT if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
If you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
BUT if your boss makes a mistake, he's 'only human'.
If you're on a day off sick, you're 'always' sick.
BUT if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
If you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
BUT if your boss does it, he's being firm.
If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
BUT if your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
If you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
BUT if your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative.
If you do something without being told, you're overstepping your
BUT if your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
If you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
BUT if your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
BUT if your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.